I am feeling a bit down today, so I have decided to take the rest of the day to reconnect with my body and my presence in the world. I took an amazing Vinyasa yoga class this morning, right before work. The teacher is calm, and encouraging, and just so, so supportive of me as a person. She is one of those people who doesn’t need to know your life history to sincerely care for you.
Taking an hour for myself, to shut out the rest of my world and my thoughts, is something that I don’t do often enough. I get caught up in work and plans and people and ideas and forget to just be. I guess that’s why I like tango, although there is so much related to socializing and relationships and technique and ideas there … more and more, the further I get into it (even as the dancing itself becomes more and more centered and present). But yoga … for me, yoga is its own animal. It is so internal, so focused on the moment, the breath. Not so many distractions.
Thankfully, even though my day is stressful and upsetting, I have every sore muscle from this morning to remind me to be present. To be kind to myself. To remember that, no matter what happens and what other people do and say, I am here. I am me. And that will persist (even as a trick of the ego, even as I change and the old me passes away), despite changes in my circumstances and other people and jobs and cities. So I need to nurture my presence in the moment, because it is the only thing that I have.
Tonight, I plan to go home from work and take a nap. Take care of my body. I might envelop myself in a cocoon of blankets, tea, books, and a fuzzy, purring cat. Or I might watch a movie. Or practice walking in my living room. If I can, I might convince my favorite leader to practice with me. I don’t know if I will go to the mid-week milonga—my mental state right now says no, but that may not persist all the way to this evening. We will see.